Rowdie Walden
23.11.21
Conversation

Things I learnt during the pandemic: nasal swabs do it for me

I tilted my head back, flared my nostrils for the fourth time, and I sat wondering why everyone I know has been hating the COVID swabs. . . except me. I love it. Had my kink been in quarantine this whole time?

Why? Why was I not gagging from them, but GAGGING for them?


Now, I know what you’re thinking. And no, I’m not sitting in my car at the drive thru testing clinic nursing a semi. But when I first saw videos of people looking like they were having the absolute worst procedure done to them, it didn’t make sense sis.


We’re well over two years into this ✨panorama✨. But if you’ve been under a big, hard, rock – COVID-19 is a respiratory illness. Throat – or sexy scientific name: oropharyngeal, and nose – or sexy scientific name: nasopharyngeal swabs are recommended as the best way to detect the virus. 


Australia’s national guidelines for testing says the swab should go into your nose about three centimetres deep, or. . . just the tip. 


It’s not the size of your swab that matters, it’s how you use it.

So – what’s going on in my cavity? What is causing this rush of tension, this feeling of pleasure? What is a swab giving me the same satisfaction as scratching a really big itch?


So – what’s going on in my cavity? What is causing this rush of tension, this feeling of pleasure? What is a swab giving me the same satisfaction as scratching a really big itch?


Well. Turns out your nose is an erogenous zone – a place on your body that causes sexual arousal or pleasure when stimulated. You know them well: your lips, nips, neck, inner thigh and ears. You’ve probably gotten the tingle in at least one of these areas.


For me, getting a swab feels as good as a hug from a lover. . . A gentle kiss on the neck. As satisfying as passing a really big. . . poop.


I needed answers. I had to get to the bottom of this lesser known erogenous zone. WHY? Why are we out here with the ability to get horny from all the way up in our nasal passages?


ob Brookes is a self-described ‘evolutionary biologist’ who thinks about sex for a living. They won prizes for their research and writing, including Sex, Genes & Rock ‘n’ Roll: How Evolution has Shaped the Modern World. I spoke to them about my new-found kink. 


RW: Am I alone in loving it up the nostril? It’s not weird, RIGHT? 


RB: Doesn’t everybody? Actually, many people can’t stand having their noses touched, but plenty are like you, too.


The nose-tip is a very sensitive place, with some of that all-important erectile tissue. That might explain why nose-rubbing replaces the romantic kiss in some cultures.


Some people also have sensitive outer nostrils, and touching the philtrum – the space between nose and upper lip – is also arousing to some people.


RW: What is being triggered by the swab? Nerves? 


RB: Both touch nerves and stretch sensors, I believe. Have you seen the tweets about swabbing that refer to having one’s “nussy” penetrated? (people sarcastically talk about this; with nussy apparently a portmanteau of nasal and pussy).

RW: Are they the same things being triggered when our genitals or breasts are being touched?


RB: Broadly. Erectile tissue, stretch receptors, and the feeling of having another individual show close, personal interest.


RW: I have. . . and am guilty of using the phrase “nussy”. We definitely shouldn’t stick swabs up our own nose though, right? 


RB: I hesitate to give medical advice, but in this case I make an exception. Don’t self-swab!


RW: Is that why picking your nose feels so damn good? 


RB: That could well be why noses are so sensitive – making it feel like boogers are much better out than in!

Yes. You read that right, erectile tissue. The same tissue found down there is very similar to the tissue in your nose. It can even become engorged, like down there, with blood – which is how we get blocked noses.


RW: So, any idea why we’ve got a erogenous zone surreptitiously lurking between our boogers and brain? 


RB: I think it’s more incidentally erogenous than an explicitly erogenous zone. But then maybe I’d say that as someone who doesn’t really feel that way about nasal penetration.


RW: Different stroke for different folks, Rob. What are the other unknown erogenous zones? 


RB: The ears are a big one. The whole ASMR thing seems to be about having someone attractive murmuring in your ear, breathing on it and brushing against it. I read about ears as erogenous zones in high school (Desmond Morris’ The Naked Ape). Told the class, setting off a flurry of frantic lobe-masturbation.


Any other part of one’s skin, I suppose. The armpits, bellybutton, neck, scalp, feet, inner elbow. You name it.


RW: How can we explore them? Where are they? Tell us. Now. 


RB: You have to find these things out about one another – or yourself. Consider it a treasure hunt where you know a few big treasure stashes, but you’re looking for other ones. If you don’t find anything you can always head for the main prize afterward.



You have to find these things out about one another – or yourself. Consider it a treasure hunt where you know a few big treasure stashes, but you’re looking for other ones. If you don’t find anything you can always head for the main prize afterward.




RW: Why should we be exploring all these zones? Do they make sex better? 


RB: Yes! I tend to think exploring things like this together is a fun and adventurous way to broaden sex and eroticism.


_ _


Give it a go, (apparently) the tip, the openings and the cupids bow are also sensitive little spots.


Bussy? Boring. 2021 is all about the NU$$Y.


You can listen to Rowdie’s podcast, Search Engine Sex, here.


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