Sex toys of 2022 with Rebecca Hall: the second quarter. 

I can’t say I recommend that anybody hooks up with a white Australian rapper. But I did once in 2015, and learnt that I can orgasm from nipple stimulation. That’s solid information to have, and I’m grateful. It seemed perfectly natural to me to try a nipple-toy first if I was to be visiting different parts of town, so to speak.

Posmo’s magnetic orbs have quickly attained cult status. These ball-bearing sized magnets can be worn directly on the nipple or over clothing. The website suggests also trying them on the clit or the penis, which I’ll give a go in a later quarter and report back on.

These babies are strong! Like a very firm pinch. Getting the magnets off can be challenging. The first time I rolled them off my nipple I accidentally drew blood. I’ve had more luck slowly pulling them apart. Positioning them for pleasure takes a little bit of practice, and through trial and error I’ve found placing them closer to the nipple tip feels best for me. That said, most of the times I’ve worn them I’ve ended up with mild bruising and a lingering ache the following day. So, going slow and aftercare are big here, even if it’s just you looking after you. But big sensations can bring big rewards if that’s the thing for you, and these orbs have become a recurring guest star in my daydreams.

May was a stressful month. Work, life… things had me feeling tense. If there was anything I needed, it was a massage. I’ve never had a professional massage, and consequently I’m not sure I really know what I’m talking about here, so bear that in mind. However, one of my partners is generous enough to give me one on occasion (actually, two of them, but one lives interstate). I was ripe for a massage candle.

Maude is a U.S. based sexual wellness brand that has a focus on inclusivity, which is considered in every aspect of their business, from manufacture to marketing and social media presence. There’s something comforting about knowing your self-care routines come with minimal negative impact, no? Maude’s ‘burn’ massage candles come in three fragrance options: fragrance-free and two different aromatic blends. I went with the ‘No. 1’ scent: amber, cedar leaf, lemongrass, tonka bean and medjool date. As with all positive intimate experiences, it’s a heady and atmospheric combination of notes. In fact, you can just burn it for the scent if that’s enough to relax you. I need more than that, but I’m happy for you.

Jokes aside, I find it difficult to get out of my head, and a massage candle is a nice way to slowly warm up your sensitivity to touch and let your body settle into the physical world. It does leave a bit of an oily residue on the skin, so it’s worth planning for your evening to include a bath or shower to restore yourself, but this really only invites further luxuriating. I loved consciously engaging all my senses as part of intimacy. It helped me to slow down and take it all in.

I must have been seeking a change of pace from the slow and gentle stimulation of a massage when I picked up a very entry-level flogger from Passionfruit Shop. The formerly-Richmond (soon to be Fitzroy), and online institution is a great space to go to if you’re looking for any introduction or guidance in BDSM, or any area of sexuality, because community education and support is a key focus for them. They offer everything from personal consultation sessions to handy blog posts and sex education books.

I have dabbled with a bit of impact play before but I’m very much a novice in this space. Realistically, I’m not part of any BDSM scene so I’m no authority on whether this particular flogger is good or bad, or how exactly anyone should navigate its use. However, I tried it out with a regular partner who knows me well. What was more interesting than the specific sensation itself (which I liked!) was that the introduction of an object gave us a good vessel for communication and consent more broadly. While this is always a feature of good sex, I became more aware of my yes’s and no’s, more expressive with them, and felt more tuned-into this partner’s verbal and physical cues.

For me, this all felt like a reminder that trying something new, extra, or different is as much about new experience as it is about grounding yourself in the basics of your body and sexuality. The $36 price tag was definitely reasonable both for the object and the experience. 

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