How to clean your ass: what I wish I knew when I was younger
I wish a gay uncle had taught me how to douche properly before I started having anal sex. He would have been caring, sex positive and full of practical tips. Instead, my experience was usually drinking $10 jugs of beer, bloating like crazy and then being hopeful to go home with someone after a kebab in the early hours of a Saturday morning. A far from ideal pre-game strategy for any butt play – even less so if you’re into ‘hung’ hook ups.
So, I decided to be the gay uncle I never had and put together a list of techniques I use to clean my ass. It’s a collection of tips and tricks from bottoms, tops and sides. . . partners, sisters and wives. Some I’ve tried and omitted and others I’ve loved and adopted into my routine. Everyone’s guts are different, and some people say they never need to douche. Personally, I love eating delicious food in large quantities so that approach was never going to work for me.
Now, I preface this by saying I don’t have an appetite for toys the size of tree stumps (but am in awe of those that do). I also wouldn’t describe my practices as vanilla. These methods work for me – I wish someone had given me this list 15 years ago. So, if you’re just getting into butt stuff now (lucky you) I hope this helps you feel more confident. I couldn’t have covered it all below, and I’m sure many other methods, tricks and techniques exist. On that note, I’d love to hear from anyone who has great hacks not listed here – this subject rarely gets talked about and I want to change that.
Generally, I find cleaning your butt works on a scale: more adventurous play often requires more cleaning while less adventurous usually needs less.
Generally, I find cleaning your butt works on a scale: more adventurous play often requires more cleaning while less adventurous usually means less. One of the most basic ways to prep includes a poo and a shower, in that order. Depending how regular you are, and what your sexual practice is, this might suffice. However, if you have an appetite for beefier toys, appendages, fists and/or positions, or want increased duration and intensity, you might be interested in a more thorough approach to ass housekeeping.
Anything that you put into your body can impact your regularity and can be played to your advantage. As always, safety comes before anyone else does so be responsible and seek medical advice if you need it.
What goes in must come out
The source of all poo – diet is a great place to start. Avoiding large quantities of certain foods can help based on how your body reacts to it. For some it’s gluten, others dairy, some alcohol, others fried food. If you’re eating food that makes you feel bloated, gassy and affects your regularity, then chances are removing it will help you feel more confident with butt play.
The timing and size of your meals before anal play are also important to consider. Smaller portions of food before play can help. So can waiting a few hours after a meal, allowing enough time to go to the toilet. Your digestive system is one long tube. The whole tube doesn’t need to be clear– but the more you put in it, the more room you need to create down the line.
Your digestive system is one long tube. The whole tube doesn’t need to be clear – but the more you put in it, the more room you need to create down the line.
A fibre-rich diet is critical. Fruits, vegetables, LSA, oats and dates are all great for your gut health and help with regularity. Psyllium husk is your best friend in butt play. So fantastic that it’s even being marketed for this exact purpose. It’s the ultimate fibre supplement and can be added to drinks, taken in capsules or taken with water.
By staying regular and having healthy prebiotics in your diet, you can hopefully maintain a clear colon once you poo. Healthy gut = healthy slut! If you’re down for more extreme activities, avoiding nuts and other hard foods that can result in scratching of your intestine lining is important.
The former can be used to your advantage when enjoyed well before a shower or douching because it can help regulate the gut. For some people, coffee stimulates the muscles in the colon which can produce a natural laxative effect. Alternatively, if you’re backed up laxatives are a stronger option just make sure you chat to a doctor or pharmacist before taking any medication.
Enlisting a device
Once again you want to check with a doctor or health professional before any kind of self-medicating – even over the counter products come with risks if not used as directed. Certainly not suggesting Imodium as a regular treatment, but I know a lot of experienced gays who rely on it as a backup. I’ve also heard stories of people not being able to poop for days, so I’d suggest a bowl of All Bran and some psyllium husk before resorting to meds.
Douching means cleaning your bum internally. Not all the way to your stomach, just the lower part to where you’d be expecting a toy, person or other to occupy. Some people use tap water or a chemical enema, others recommend isotonic water to help maintain your gut flora. Depending on where you live and the quality of the tap water, it might be best to use bottled water.
Essentially, you’re filling your colon with water, holding it for a few seconds inside before expelling in the toilet. The key is pushing gently to avoid doing any damage, repeating until the water runs clear. There are a few ways to douche, so let’s get into them.
A bulb douche is probably the most commonly used type of douche. It’s a portable, easy to use, rubber device that looks like a turkey baster. If you can, it’s best to try and go to the toilet before douching to push out any poo sitting in your colon. After that, simply fill the bulb with water and empty it into your colon. Room temperature water will feel best for you (and your partner later on if you’re engaging others in your experience). You’ll need to squeeze your sphincter to keep the water inside. After about 10 seconds to a minute, you’ll intuitively know it’s time to sit down and gently push on the toilet. Repeat this until the water you’re releasing is clean. Relaxing is important to ensure all that water is released, I usually read or watch TV to avoid getting too tense. Sometimes doing this once is enough, sometimes you might do it 5+ times depending on the condition of your gut. Take your time, go gentle and those pipes will be clean before you know it.
A shower fitting douche is a fixture that attaches to a shower hose, which only works on certain types of shower heads (usually the chrome detachable kind). These are far more advanced than a bulb douche, and you need to take care with the amount of pressure involved. Again, be conscious of the temperature as this can either chill or heat your insides. After that it’s the same old recipe of filling your colon with water and emptying it gently on the toilet, repeating until water runs clear.
Be conscious of the temperature as this can either chill or heat your insides.
Chemical enemas are used for people with chronic constipation and can be picked up at a pharmacy. They usually come in the form of a 5ml laxative suppository. You insert the nozzle and press the bulb contents into your rectum and hold on for dear life. After 10-15 minutes passes (stay near a toilet) you will no longer be able to hold onto anything and your bowel will promptly empty. The chemical aspect makes this much riskier than water, so it’s not a sustainable long-term solution but rather an option to consider if you’re particularly backed up. Follow the label, be safe and respect your precious butt hole.
Toilet stools raise your feet off the ground, placing you in more of a squatting position. This helps remove the kink in your colon so you can empty the contents with ease. They’re great for daily gut health and even better when combined with your douching or pooing repertoire before anal play. To be honest, once you start using one it’s hard to go back to having your feet on the floor
Bidets won’t clean your insides, but they definitely help with the doorway. Easy to use products like Tushy are making bidets accessible. They can be retrofitted to most toilets – what a luxury to have a spa for your bum each time you go to the toilet! Bonus: they reduce toilet paper use.
Useful before, during and after anal play, wipes are convenient and can help you stay in the moment. Just make sure you’re using the right wipe for the job; you want something designed for butts and genitals over cheap wet wipes which can actually damage those areas.
A hand/gym towel
A bit more convenient than a bath towel, these can be a ‘nice to have’ when playing with toys or people. It can sit on your bedside table or just nearby so you can attend to any little spills that may come up and potentially stifle your flow.
Mind over (faecal) matter
The final step is a psychological one. It’s being comfortable with the reality of anal play and sex. You and anyone you’re intimate with need to be okay with the possibility of poo. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, it’s just a reality of the situation. Being open about it and having a partner who doesn’t grimace or shame you (or your bum) is better than any douching or dietary strategy. If you can establish this level of trust and rapport with a partner, you’re setting yourself up for some beautiful butt play.